www.Life-Excellence.com

by: Nadine O'Reilly, M.A.

As a school psychologist, as well as the mother of a child with a chronic health condition, I understand all too well the intimidation that accompanies entering the "bargaining" sessions of IEP meetings. There are ways, however, to stack the proverbial cards in your favor. Read on

To begin with, be prepared for anything. Keep accurate documentation and note the dates and times that everything occurs. Im not exaggerating " EVERYTHING. Every phone call, every progress report, etc. Nothing is more intimidating to IEP teams than a parent who has prepared for their meeting. A parent with a Plan of their own is scary for us, because what if we look like idiots, or offend you? Thats why you have to come into meetings prepared for anything, almost as if youre documenting for a Due Process hearing. You never know, you might have to "go there."

Second, know your rights. Ask for a copy of your States Parental Rights in Special Education (PRISE) for your review before you attend any meeting at all. You can find the PRISE for your State by entering a search on Google.

Third, know youre an active participant and that no one can force a program on you or your child. For example, some schools will hand you an IEP that theyve already devised before you got there, with hopes that the meeting will go quickly and youll just sign and leave. But thats like going to an Italian restaurant and all thats on the menu is spaghetti. Your child is unique and to truly devise an individualized plan, all of those involved should plan on spending at least one hour talking through the parts of the plan that are going to affect the child academically and socio-emotionally.

Know what you want before you go in there. Have a Mission in mind, know your goals, and outline your strategies before you even step foot in that room. For example, youll need goals for your child. Make sure youve broken them down to the smallest components before you ask for them " youll be surprised how much more you get out of your request.

I.e., Goal: I want my child to be able to get " and hold " a job when they graduate.

Well, thats plain, isnt it? If you broke it down, however, youd have:

I want my child to learn:

How to respect authority;

How to type;

How to honor time commitments;

How to respectfully interact with peers;

Etc.

Now, doesnt that look more like what you were thinking?

You may not get all of them, but youll get some " and thats way more specific than "get a job," so therell be a bit more work required of your Team. Good.

Third, know youll run into snags. There will be red tape youll have to circumvent; youll meet people whose goal it is to keep children from receiving services (yes, after all of those years of education, you would think were all in this for the children. Yet some of our colleagues are actually naysayers); youll hear all about how "this is not how we operate" when you present documentation proving otherwise; etc. Youll certainly learn a lesson in frustration tolerance.

If youre lucky, you wont have to deal with any of the above. But I doubt it.

Fourth, learn from the negatives and appreciate the positives. You will also learn some positive things, such as knowing when to give up. By this I dont mean walking out on your plan, but knowing when to compromise.

Fifth, know your child is entitled to individuality. If you look at evaluations, they might all seem the same. You dont want your childs IEP to be just like everyone elses, or theyll be ignored. Trust me on this one. I have seen 1,000s of IEPs and rarely does the school hold itself responsible for child failure. Its always "Johnny X" or "Johnnys mom Y." Make sure your childs IEP delineates what has NOT been done for him " not just what has been.

You just want us to fix what youve done wrong.

Did that statement infuriate you? Its what most school staff thinks when you demand fair treatment.

My advice? Listen more than you speak and ask very specific questions " questions that merit elaboration on the part of your Team. Most of all, remain respectful. No one likes a bully, or someone who blames everything on everyone else.

Oh, and smile graciously as you lay your tape recorder on the conference table ;)